Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you only you can let it in...

    So I was like getting ready to take a shower and what I normally do is when I get undressed I pretty much stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize myself.  Usually I give a small shrug, sigh, and get in the shower. Tonight I looked at myself and realized. I have the potential  to be a really cute girl. I don't know if I shoulf post this, because Derek's just going to like leave me comments saying "Oh my gosh you're so beautiful I mean it." But, I dunno, I'm better at typing stuff than like writing it. I pretty much hate how I look.  I really wanna change everything, my skin tone, my hair, my figure, I even wish my eye color was different. I weigh 141 pounds 141 pounds. Derek only weighs 115.  I'm a very jealous person, my old friends are cuter than I am. more fun to be around, almost more successful than I am in almost every aspect of life. period. I suck. So being a girl, (lost of girls do this and it's become a stereyotype) I'm going to make a list. Because lists are cool.  I let things I read/watch influence the way I think.... so this was totally sparked by a TV show I saw today, and a book I'm reading.

1. Skinnier / Prettier skin

So I hate how I don't look ethinc enough. I just do. Like in America, people typically think that latinas are so curvacious that they're actually like heavy.  No way Jose. In mexico or Brazil, all the chicas are really tan and skinny but curvy and have the measurements of a life size barbie, full hips, no waist, big bust, huge ass, and cafe con leche colored skin. So tan and diet and exercise I guess.... Kristina dropped like 20 pounds her Sophomore year... I can too, because I have really cute hip bones and a model stomach, the Dr. I saw told me.... He also told me I was overweight. Lovely

     2. Be more confident

I am sooooo easily hurt. People can say like the slightest thing to me or even about me and I about die. I really want to be one of those people that wants to get along with everyone (which is so not going to happen given my track record)I don't even know if I want to be liked, but I want to be stronger, more confident I don't know why but I'm really jealous of those skinny (weitght issue againnnnnnnnnnnn) people who can eat anything and not gain an ounce. Even when I'm like sitting and Derek like looks at my stomach I get all self-conscious.

     3. Get more involved with my heritage

I love my culture. I feel like it's been so diluted with american culture that I have to go to Mexico. I want to feel more in-touch with my roots and everything. I can't do that here. This sounds soooo gay but I want to help like the latin community in like Guadalupe and celebrate stuff there. Heh.

    4. DO SOMETHING!

I have these lists but I'm never going to do it. I never keep New Year's resolutions, and I've been told I'm "ambitious but lazy"

     5. It's either sink or swim.....

I want to be successful, and not suck when I come to my high school reunion. People hate me now, I want to be hated when I'm older... er....envied....I just wanna do well I guess. I dunno.

This blog was so lame, I was like, thinking about it, but then I took a break to go on myspace and I lost my train of thought. More soon I guess...

Peace